There are two ways to take that “What’s there not to like” attitude towards other people. One is blatantly ignoring one’s own flaws and insisting they do not exist and that other people are in no way different, let alone better, compared to you, and the fun and flirty way, acknowledging one’s flaws and failures, other people’s value, and assets, and working with whatever you’ve got…

If you are one of those people who do not understand why they do not get A) a lot of sex B) a man/woman to commit into a relationship with them or C) the one they love to try a relationship with them, this post is for you. There are many levels of not understanding why, but this post is about the type who figures “well, I am just like everyone else, and everyone else is getting some, why not me? I’m hot, right, what’s there not to like?”

Newsflash: You’re not like everyone else, and the closer to the norm you are, usually, the less people find you interesting. NOBODY is like everyone else, and that’s a good thing. The people who think that being like everyone else will get you somewhere couldn’t be more wrong in their attitude towards life if they tried. Name any person you admire. Now tell me/yourself why you admire them. I bet my sweet ass your answer isn’t: “Because they are just like everyone else.”

Granted, I knew a girl once who I described being so normal she could easily give birth to 2.4 children, but she didn’t manage to be that close to a median, either. However, the point being, she was so relaxedly normal, that it made her attractive – and unusual. She didn’t try to be anything she wasn’t, she didn’t put on acts of any kind, she was just a sweet, beautiful girl who did her own thing… as normal as it was. (And then she became radical and joined an animal protection organization, and that was cool as hell, but that’s beside the point I’m making here.)

“What’s there not to like” the positive and the negative

Think of Steven Tyler. He is nearing 70 and he’s not an ounce less sexually attractive than what he was at 28 when he got famous, if memory serves. He hasn’t lost any of his charm, if anything, he’s gained a heap. Why? He has that flirty, fun “hey, what’s there not to like” attitude about him, he NEEDS attention and feeds on it, loving every second of it lapping it up like a hungry kitten. Who wouldn’t want to pamper a kitten like that, who wouldn’t want to stroke his fur and tell him he’s the cutest thing alive and cuddle him for the rest of their lives? His charm is so much about that sparkle, that shameless sexuality, and that shameless, never ending love and sexual attention he pours on women.

And there’s the difference.

He pays for what he asks for. Not with  money – although he could afford that, too, he pays for the attention he needs by giving attention back ten fold, to everyone who wants it, he flirts, he charms, he swoons women left, right and centre.

The negatively needy do not do that. They figure they need to get everything first, they need people to do this for them and that for them, and I won’t do anything for you if you  do not do this for me first. I won’t go to the gym, I won’t get fit, I won’t dress sexy or flirty, I won’t put a smile on my face, I won’t tell you I like you, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t. “I don’t want to feed his/her ego” being the key idea. Why would ANYONE want to be with you or anywhere near you?

And a bonus; there are people who can do that, up to a point, then they figure their luck has ran out and start abusing and taking advantage of the people they’ve charmed – while they still can stuff their “pockets” with that good luck they had. But that is just looking at a former friend of mine… And those, who are fun and friendly only up to the point when they need or want something out of you, like company for a family picknick, after which, you become an actress or an actor in his or her play, and “you just mind your manners – if you make me ashamed of you, I swear to god…”

Why would anyone want to be with you?

Would you date you? Would you share your life with someone like you? If you want to make someone fall in love with you (and you can MAKE that happen), you must make life amazing for them – and you have to love and cherish them enough to want to make that effort. True love is much an interaction in this, you both love each other so much that you want to make life sweet for the other, but if the other is only ever taking, taking, taking, even to the point that they no longer feel grateful, blessed, or amazed by what they receive (all very good and worthy paybacks) but start expecting these favors, as a matter of fact, demanding them, even, the love will die out, whether the endless giver is a man or a woman. Ladies, the effort cannot come just from him alone, you are not amazing enough in your smile and your sweat pants that the presence of your body and your displeased expression would endear anyone to you, not if you were the prettiest girl alive.

So hot you don’t need a personality?

Then there are the people who are… who authentically are so sexy in their physical appearance that they really don’t need a personality to attract the attention of the great majority of people. If a person loves beautiful people, they will find it really hard to reject someone who is picture perfect and fit, but that doesn’t necessarily mean true love. Also, being that hot doesn’t mean you have the self-confidence to go after the people who you want, and show them the real you, the personality… and the chances are when you need it the most, the deeper you bury it.

If you are simply hiding your personality from those who you really admire and want to impress out of sheer fear you won’t, you’re lucky. You can always work on that and allow yourself to be more open with people… But if you have always been so certain of your looks that you have never even considered to look internally about who you are and what makes you truly special… You might find a very shallow pool to work with in there… Particularly for people who have held the same attitude through eons of lifetimes, noble women who only had to do one thing; smile while being pretty.

Oh well, things are not necessarily that bad. There’s plenty of ways to add some character to the heat, after all, beauty fades – even if it is slow, and when it does, ugly people with a real personality will make their way to the front… And the younger beauties. Being hot doesn’t make you incapable of having an amazing personality, it’s just that… Being that hot you may have never needed one…

And, by the way… If you are hot enough to find it unnecessary to have a personality (200 messages on POF in 4 hours with only photos and that sort of business) you might, despite having a real personality, come off really bland if you don’t reveal it to people – and scary if you do. 😉

What’s there not to like…

 

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