Those of us who have a very high sex drive tend to feel that we are required to choose between a life of meaningless sex or a permanent love relationship, but that a highly sexual love relationship is simply non-existent, so rare, that there is not even a myth supporting its existence! Let’s just create a myth of it, shall we, or, let’s go a whole heap further and prove that such relationships exist, and the non-existence of highly sexual, functioning love relationships is the true myth!
First. The Current Relationship…
I am not a huge believer in trying to repair sexually dried up relationships, that, to me, can only possibly be fixed by opening the relationship to other partners, IF it can be rescued at all. Always fighting is a better sign for a relationship than simple friendly boredom or dissatisfaction, because… At least there’s still passion in there.
I believe, that with a lot of hard work, you can get a sexually incompatible couple work for a while, until they stop trying again, after which they are easily returned back to square one. I’ve heard of rich couples who have marriage therapy 3 days a week just to keep it going!! Here’s what I ask: WHY THE HELL DO YOU BOTHER with that kind of relationships?! Are you in it to prove that you are not one of those shallow people who get divorced at the first sign of trouble, as I don’t understand how people can even breathe in relationships that require that awful lot of hard work just to keep it alive, when, oddly, you would never work on a friendship that hard, but somehow your friends are simply there because they want to be… Just like your spouse should be there simply because they want to be, not because you demand them to be. Granted, there are friends who force you into the friendship, too, but most people would consider that sick, but for some reason, the best relationship that you’re supposed to have is , for some reason, one that you feel you have to keep on life support for the sake of proving yourself to someone.
So. If your relationship is sexually challenged, get out of it. This goes for you men, too, you HAVE THE RIGHT to want more than what you are getting in a permanent relationship – relationships shouldn’t exist solely for the needs and wants of the female, any more than the reverse.
The only time when I tell you to NOT LEAVE is when you feel like you have to try and talk yourself OUT OF IT rather talking yourself into it if you know what I mean. For as long as you’re trying to convince yourself that it is never going to work or get better, there is a chance that there is a chance, just as the opposite; when you’re trying to convince yourself there’s still a chance… Most likely, there isn’t.
However… Do not confuse this with the permission of forcing someone into staying with you because YOU think there’s still a chance. If someone wants out of the relationship, it’s over, as simple as that. I am getting side tracked, but just to keep all connection points in so I don’t give you any ideas here. (You never know about people, you see.)
People with a high sex drive tend to be quite romantic, too. Romantic perverts. 🙂
There’s a number of character traits that go together as equal, very likely parts that all exist in one person: The high sex drive is one, but they also tend to be passionate, and highly romantic. Being passionate means that a person needs high emotions and high feelings, so all of these emotions tend to tie together. The people who do not feel this way think that this too, is a some kind of a personality disorder. “Oh wow. You love life and want to get everything you can out of it? Wow… I know this great psychiatrist, maybe you’d like to give them a call…” (What the actual…?) “Just give him a call, and he’ll make you satisfied with mundanity in no time, and if there’s something SERIOUSLY wrong with you, he’ll give you some pills to pop, in no time, you will want nothing more than to know you are still breathing as you are prepped up to the sky on happy pills…” (No insanity as scary as hopefulness and happiness, is there, other than hope of happiness.) To be sane and rational, you must not get too hopeful about your future, just… Think small, think small, think small. Better yet, don’t think at all!
Just don’t let me get on my soap box on that one because that will take some time. Those of you who think like normal people – as in people who actually want to be happy and believe (against all arguments) that happiness and fulfillment in life is realistically possible – will just hopefully say: “true that” and we can speed on:
So. Incurable positivity is one of the inconvenient traits of people with a high sex drive, romantic nature, and passion for life and everything in it – be it in an active state or beaten to submission. It is really hard for them to settle down into a relationship they feel is not really fulfilling because they are die-hard optimists and believe it is more than possible to find someone who they cannot get enough of, both sexually, intellectually, and emotionally. It takes a lot of effort for these people to tell themselves to give up hope of a better relationship, but if they succeed to convince themselves that they need to settle for a certain kind of life, they will get depressed, if not suicidal. “Settling down” to them is nothing but “settling”, what they want and are capable of is a life-long passion-driven truly intense love, that will never need outside support or “hard work” to keep alive. Settling for something less is simply giving up on the life they truly want, and that is not cool.
The people who want high everything are also highly romantic, still tend to value the romanticism over the sexuality, and they may be easily led to believe, particularly when they are approaching 30 or 40, depending on their gender, that they need to choose one over the other, and as the competition is between a sexually driven, empty relationship versus a fully committed love relationship, they’ll choose the latter when their ideal partner is just as sceptical about the possibility of truly making the relationship work with someone they are so truly attracted to sexually, and is hesitating to take the real steps to making the relationship they truly want an actual reality.
Victims of cynism.
The reason why people believe in the myth of “can’t have both”
This is the cold, blatantly obvious truth: Some people are more attractive than others. Sexy people are highly desired, wether they are male or female. They COULD have anyone they wanted, more or less. The people who are desperate to find a permanent partner just to freaking survive financially and to ensure they’ll get married before hitting 30 are working double time convincing the highly desirable people that there is no realistic options out there for them, but that they need to settle down; choose someone from the lower category, so they can marry up and the highly desirable people need to settle down. THIS IS NOTHING BUT BLATANT, COLD-HEARTED MANIPULATION, and has NOTHING to do with the truth. Why they cannot marry among themselves is still beyond me, why are they just as unwilling of settling than the people who they lay guilt trips on for not settling… Clearly, everyone wants a relationship with the exact same people, but it is these desired people who are being guilt-tripped to lower their bar. Fair or not, you decide.
However, what supports the argument that you cannot have the one you want and there is no such thing as true love is the fact that we are all a) cynical, b) insecure, and c) forbidden from seeing ourselves quite as attractive as we are, no matter what level of attractiveness any individual represents, they will have to blind themselves of their own beauty or desirability UNLESS they are particularly unattractive, in which case they need to, in order to please the median, to believe themselves to be fine or desirable as they are… In other words, to lie to themselves that they are more attractive than what they are, as the highly attractive are required to lie to themselves that they are NOT quite as attractive as they think. (For example, obese people are given a freaking guilt trip for not being happy with their bodies, at the same time as they are being guilted for not losing weight! If someone is really unhappy with the way they look, they prove troublesome to their close circles, so they are guilted into hiding their unhappiness and accepting that they are doomed to their figure, because their support team would rather see them give up than try to improve their lives… You know, that hope is again rearing it’s ugly mother fucking head there.) This combination of requirements creates the situation when the highly attractive, in order to be good people, need to marry from the next bracket down and to do this, they will also often need to choose an incompatible thinker type, who do not care whether or not they are fully loved, as long as someone will make a commitment to them and go through the motions of a relationship regardless, and the height of love: COMPROMISE… While, they themselves, do not have to! It is great to demand the princess or prince to fall in love with a frog if you’re the freaking frog!
As I said, we are all cynical and insecure. When two highly attractive, as in, intimidatingly hot people come together, they will be loaded with their own insecurities, cynicism, and societal demand to believe that they are not as attractive as they think they are… They see their perfectly compatible partner and think… “Wow. They could have anyone. How realistically do I see myself exactly? They seem interested, but they hesitate… I must be a nearly there for them rather than THE THING…” But in reality, the other person is hesitating for the exact same fear of rating themselves too high on the attractiveness score. (Also, the fear of mean girls is absolutely ridiculously common in fully grown, 100% sexy men, who still believe girls are tricking them into trusting someone might love them, only to pull their pants down in front of the entire school… So thanks, bitches, for making life so freaking difficult for girls who would actually NEVER do that sort of thing.) The fear of “too good to be true” is an epidemic.
Please don’t lose hope
The moment you give up is the moment you will lose. Settling on less than what you truly want is the only way to ensure you will never get what you want. If you are not in love within 5 minutes of meeting someone, you will never be in love with them, if you are one of these passionate people. I don’t care what they say different, it simply has NEVER happened that way for our kind, not once. EVER. The minimum requirement of true love to happen is an intrigued from the first moment: “I cannot see anything I don’t like about you… but I don’t know you too well yet.” The moment you see the first thing that turns you off them, that’s the moment you will have to take a full turn and walk away. NEVER EVER try to talk yourself into trying to make it work. Do not waste time trying to settle for less! Do not waste time on TRYING to fall in love with someone, life is too short, even if I do believe we reincarnate forever, LIFE IS STILL NEVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH, and DO NOT WASTE TIME, even if it is the only thing that we have an endless supply on, it is STILL the most precious thing we’ve got… And what a fantastic gift that is!