This might be one of those fetishes that A LOT OF PEOPLE have, but something that sex writers normally do not understand because we tend to be wired differently and I am no exception. To a normal sex writer or researcher, nothing in this world is more important than sexuality, and that often also means that domestic duties are like poison to their OWN sexuality. When a person like this writes sex columns and advice to a domestic fetishist, they will tell you to “get away from it all”, to get a quiet space where you can forget about your domestic life and your children and all of that gore and grind that, to them, is the least sexy thing in the world… Not so for a domestic fetishist.
To such a person, there is NO NEED for ANYTHING ELSE except the very mundane, very ordinary, very everyday stuff, combined with the knowledge, that any time is the right time. 😀 They love to squeeze sex in between laundry cycles, doing dishes and washing baby puke off your clothes is entirely unnecessary. The idea is that on the surface, they look like a normal couple or a poly-group, but whenever they get a moment outside the children’s view, it’s hems up, cocks out and into it! They love quickies between household chores, the busier the schedule the better for them, because they can indulge in the idea that in between everything, they’ve had sex 5 times that day, and if the wife isn’t pregnant yet, she will be before the day’s done!
They do not need to wash up and prepare for romantic dinners or vacations out of the country to love the sex, they simply need 5 minutes here, 15 there, and it doesn’ thave to be the bedtime. To a normal sex writer… A nightmare. A person who doesn’t have this fetish will be at their crankiest at the same time when a fetishist is at their horniest. If a woman doesn’t have this fetish, and her husband does, she feels CONSTANTLY objectified, dismissed, disrespected, oppressed and the list goes on. A woman who has this fetish and her husband does not, feels unappreciated, ignored, neglected, and unloved for everything she does for him.
This fetish is also closely connected to the fetish for polygyny; having multiple wives. The husband, who is also working a busy schedule, should be free to come home during the day, though, to handle the first wife he finds on his way in. (If the entrance is near the kitchen, that would make the kitchen duties very popular among the wives… 😉 )
If you have a domestic fetish, you don’t understand people who don’t – and vice versa
This is a popular fetish, but it is rarely considered that because it is SO NORMAL in many ways. Many people love the idea of completely normal married life but they simply don’t realize that what is the fetish for them, is not so for a lot of other people – and vice versa. So, we get this interesting societal situation; there is a huge pressure to marry and form a family by those who have this fetish. On the other side, there’s a huge pressure to maintain “a sex life” as a separate thing by those who do not have this fetish.
The people who do not have a domestic fetish will have to become quite aware of it and avoid people who do, and vice versa. People who don’t have this fetish will have children “on the side” the children will grow up in wherever they are; performing in the theatre, (so the kids spend time at the theatre rather than at home,) they spend time at work, and ideally, the kids are there with them, or, there will be no kids at all in the mix. The non-domestic fetishists are rarely hugely interested in having children at all, or they might get themselves a nanny to take care of the offspring for them. People who do love the domestic life in a sexual sense, will love the children in the mix, but in a way that keep the children out of the sex acts – part of the fun is to be able to “do it” without anyone hearing or being none the wiser, and kids are no exception to this idea of fun. (To be fair, there is an argument to support the idea that at some stage it would be OK to allow the kids to see it, because it gives children a realistic idea of what sex is and how it works between people who love each other, but, clearly, such ideas are, for the time being, quite controversial, but I’d bet that we’re going into that direction, even if currently the idea of our parents having sex is, to most people, stuff that makes you want to gauge your eyes out – but that maybe a reaction to a very likely situation that your parents are a non-compatible match.)
Gore, grind, and dirt
Domestic fetishists are, to an extent, lovers of gore and dirt. I was just talking to a new polygroup of such people, two “wives” and a husband. One of the wives is stereotypically beautiful, one of them is not. Her husband had never noticed how much of a turn on it can be to fuck an ugly wife, who is a GOOD, dutiful wife. The other wife, the beautiful one, suddenly felt self-conscious about the fact that she was too pretty! The less beautiful wife, on the other hand, suddenly called herself “ugly”, gleefully, even though in all of her life she hasn’t been able to admit it to herself that she was not as attractive as other women around her were… perhaps because she knew the right guy would love her for her looks, too. He reassured the pretty wife: “Of course I love the way you look, but it is just a completely new idea to look at an ugly girl with such eyes…”
While the domestic fetishists are partly turned on by everything that is… ugly; the gore, the grind, and the dirt, the non-fetishist, men included, would gladly eliminate all of that from their lives. The men hate to see their women do anything domestic, and they love a girl who ignores the home, doesn’t change the sheets, and would rather order take out than figure out how the stove works. These guys are also quite quick to cook and clean themselves because they understand this stuff has to be done, and the quicker it can be put behind, the better, but, only as the final resort, when either of the partners can no longer tolerate the squalor. So unlike the fetishist who loves to clean up, the non-fetishist hates to go near dirt and grind, but they are, at the same time, perfectly capable of not noticing untidiness. They simply edit it out of their consciousness if they cannot have a legion of servants to clean it up for them!
If you have this fetish, I hope this has opened your eyes to new possibilities, how sex doesn’t HAVE TO BE the way they describe it in novels by the non-fetishists, and if you don’t have the fetish, I hope you get a sense of relief when I tell you, too, that you don’t have to feel like you have a duty to be domestic in order to be loved for the rest of your life or to have a permanent relationship with someone and to be loved for your lack of domesticity rather than feel like a non-woman for it… Or the other way around. The fetishist women also do not need to feel like a non-woman if they feel out of place in stiletto heels and sexy underwear…
By the way, there is another, s/M fetish for submissiveness with domestic duties included, and a 50’s housewife thing, but I think this is a much less sub/dom or specialized thing than that for most people. I think this is just the way a marriage should be, where sex is a part of the every day, but then, I know that scares the asexual, who wish sex had as little to do with their lives as possible, so they should know about that alignment before tying the knot.